God I hate yoghurt adverts

Second post in a day! I just had to do two because I saw an Activia advert starring Tiffany from Eastenders. In this advert she is wearing a pair of very unflattering jeans and for some reason loads of people are swarming round her trying to put makeup on her. She says she needs a snack and everyone inexplicably freezes. Then she TURNS HER NOSE UP AT A TIERED CAKE STAND OF REALLY DELICIOUS LOOKING CAKES (Not cupcakes-I have aired my views on cupcakes) AND GOES AND GETS SOME SHIT-INDUCING YOGHURT FROM THE FRIDGE INSTEAD!
Noone, nowhere, would look at a plate of cakes and go 'Hmm, not really what I had in mind, instead I'll have an Activia which is infinitely more tasty'. They might look at a plate of cakes, wring their hands and go 'God that plate of cakes looks delicious, but I'm on a diet so I'll have to have this lumpy poo-yoghurt with a weird tinny aftertaste instead. My life is a joke.'
This low fat yoghurt advert was typical of all low fat yoghurt adverts. In the world of low fat yoghurt adverts, yoghurt is the best kind of food there is. It is better than cakes and pies and mousses and ice cream and tiramisu and strudels and trifles. In the world of low fat yoghurt adverts, yoghurt is just as tasty as these things but it's FAT FREE! so you don't have to deal with the GUILT! YAY!
a) Who cares about fat free anyway? People got over low-fat in the eighties. Now the done thing is to drink a gallon of olive oil everyday, eat 10 bags of nuts and roll around in butter and avocado to keep your skin and hair nice. And avoid sugar, which low fat yoghurts are full of.
b) Yoghurt is not as nice as any other dessert. It is sloppy and doesn't fill you up and isn't real food. It is not a 'treat'. I have a theory that noone actually likes yoghurt, they just buy it because they think it's the done thing. What is there to like about yoghurt? Nothing, that's what.
In the world of yoghurt adverts, not only is yoghurt some kind of heavenly nectar, but eating yoghurt is a social event. Women meet in shopping centres and museums to eat yoghurt, but most commonly they go to each other's houses and all flop around enjoying yoghurts. And all they talk about is how good the yoghurts are. 'Mmmm, tastes like apple pie!'. No it doesn't, though, does it? It tastes like a yoghurt trying to taste like an apple pie, which doesn't taste at all like an apple pie because IT'S A YOGHURT.
If I went to someone's house and they said 'Come in, I'll get the yoghurt!' before handing me a Muller Rice I'd think they were faintly odd. If they had every different flavour of Muller Rice and had put one aside for each of their guests I'd edge out of the house before running home as fast as I could.
But according to yoghurt adverts, when I am in my late 30s, the highlight of my day will be lunchtime. At lunchtime I will fall exhausted into an armchair and think 'Well, after that good hard morning of housework, I really fancy a treat.' Then I will smile wickedly to myself and think 'I know just the thing.' Then I'll pad sneakily to the fridge and get myself a yoghurt. Before I know it all my middle-aged (but still hip) friends will be over in their yoga trousers and mumsy hoodies talking about how fucking great yoghurt is. Better than shopping and sex and fulfilment and everything.

Above is the bleakest yoghurt advert of all time. Not only is the woman really annoying, but her poor bemused husband can't understand how she can be eating all this delicious stuff and not be a fat cow. Joke's on you, bemused husband, because it's YOGHURT! She was talking about YOGHURT all along!

Now I am going to shower and try and scrub off some of the despair watching that horrible advert left me with.